“What if Jesus meant that we should love our actual neighbors?”

This is the question authors Jay Pathak & Dave Runyon ask us in their excellent book The Art of Neighboring: Building Genuine Relationships Right Outside Your Door.

I’d encourage you to read it.

In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus is asked about the greatest commandment – and his answer, as most of us know, is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind… and the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

What if?
What if every believer actually took the second half of Jesus’ response literally? Not only (generally) thinking of our “neighbor” as the person we run into at the grocery store, or walking down the street (although that certainly is true) – but literally those that live right around our very own home? Down our own street. What if we took the time to truly get to know our neighbors – with the intention of extending the grace and love of Christ in our every-day relationships?

A Verb
Pathak and Runyon actually turn the noun “neighbor” into a verb – and challenge us to think about how we might “neighbor” well. Neighboring is an art – and it starts in our hearts – as we develop a heart of flexibility and compassion for those that quite frankly can sometimes be the cause of tension and conflict.

The neighbor with the tree that extends over your fence and sheds leaves on your lawn. The one down the street with the dogs that bark incessantly. The neighbor on the corner who doesn’t mow regularly… God has called us to extend His love to them.

Time
The number one obstacle to neighboring well is time. Because most of us live such fast-paced, busy and hurried lives, we often simply don’t have time for others. But to truly neighbor well, we need to slow down enough to talk.  To listen. To be in relationship. To be intentional. Rather than quickly getting into the garage and shutting the door to get into the safety of our home, what if we took a walk around the neighborhood and struck up a conversation with a neighbor watering their lawn? Or brought over a plate of cookies? Or had a neighbor over for a meal?

I have to admit, this is one of my personal struggles. I remember a time when I saw a neighbor come out of his house and I actually avoided eye contact to avoid the possibility of a conversation – because I was in the middle of an “important” task. I’ve had to remind myself “this conversation is far more important than what you’re doing right now.”

Fear
The authors also address one of the biggest factors inhibiting good neighboring: fear. Fears are very real – and some are warranted. But fears need to be addressed if we are going to be good neighbors. Confronting our fears regarding our neighbors can be hard work, but it is worth it.

Consider this:

“God is already working in your neighborhood. Being a good neighbor simply means slowing down and being aware of what He is designing. By developing real relationships, you’ll find out how God is already moving in a person’s life. You’ll begin to overcome the fear that you once had and develop trust for one another.” (p. 70)

This has been a good reminder to me. My fear of saying the wrong thing, feeling inadequate or even being rejected is not going to get in God’s way of accomplishing what He’s already begun. I just need to move through that fear.

Motives Matter
The authors wisely talk about the importance of our motives – the difference between ultimate motives and ulterior motives. Of course, our ultimate motive – our intended destination – is to share the story of Jesus and his impact on our lives. That’s the power of the gospel. But this should never be our ulterior motive. Ulterior motives are kept hidden, and can be manipulative. Our up front motives with our neighbors should simply be building good, healthy, trust-based relationships. Not having an “agenda” for the sole purpose of converting them to our faith. If conversion is our ulterior “agenda”, it will certainly damage trust and actually inhibit the work of the gospel.

Neighboring Well is an Art
Neighboring well is truly an art. And like any form of art, there are many factors to consider if you want to do it well. But it isn’t hard. It just takes time, intentionality, commitment and some focused thought.

Heidi and I certainly don’t have this figured out. We have a lot to learn – and there are mistakes yet to be made. But we’re learning and growing.

What if each of us took Jesus’ words in Matthew 22 literally, and truly loved our neighbors? What if each of us neighbored well? How could God use us to transform our neighborhoods, our communities, and in time, our culture? I think – for the sake of the gospel – it’s worth the effort.

Brian Petak
Pastor of Outreach

Brian can be reached via email at  or by phone at 615-277-9590

Read related posts on “Neighborhood Family Meals” and “5 Ways to Live on Mission in Your Neighborhood.”