My wife Janet and I have a pretty incredible story (if I do say so myself!) of how we met, dated, courted and eventually got married. I’m still amazed at how God, in His providence, brought us together in a unique way where we both saw His good hand guiding our paths and circumstances to the place where we found ourselves committing to each other for a lifetime.

Connection Journey
In some ways, the story of how Janet and I originally connected back in college is a great illustration of the process each of us go through in our connection journey to just about anything of value. But more on that later… 

We’re taking some significant steps in making Fellowship a place where people feel connected to each other and to the church as a whole – and we’re calling this “The Connection Journey with Fellowship.”

Future posts will unpack this Connection Journey, but at its core, this journey is built around the idea of “relational spaces.”

Relational Spaces
The concept of “relational spaces” has been around for several decades, and is where the term “my personal space” comes from. It’s also the concept that launched Starbucks vision of becoming your “Third Place.” Our relationships occur in four distinct spaces – and the nature of those relationships is different in each space: Public, Social, Personal and Intimate.

Public is the largest space. It’s like a large open field with only the horizon in either direction as a boundary. There can be many, many relationships in this space.

The second space is Social. Social space is like a large room with several tables and chairs in it, but there are walls and it’s a defined space. You can roam around the large room, stand and take it all in or you can sit at a table and focus on just a few people. It’s up to you.

Then, there is Personal space. This space is smaller and more (dare I say it?) “personal.” This space will only hold a limited number of people –say 10 to 12 at one time. It is a smaller, more finite space and unlike the social space, it has more of an “invitation only” feel to it. You can’t just stumble upon this space – you need to be invited in.

Finally, there is Intimate space. The name alone tells you about this space. This is the smallest finite space. In all the other spaces, touch is optional – however Intimate space is so small, touch is assumed. Let’s be clear that this is not limited to eros/marriage relationships – although these relationships may occupy this space. This is about limitation and permanence. People can move in and out of the other three spaces, but people who we invite into Intimate space remain in this space even when they are not physically present with us or in this life.

So… Public space is large and open, while Social is a large, defined space with various settings. Personal is a smaller, “invitation only” finite space, while Intimate is the smallest, finite space with permanence.

Our Story
I mentioned earlier that my relationship with Janet is a great illustration of this. First, we had the same college in common – a Public space. Then we had the same large Social group in common – clubs, schedule, etc. Then we had the same interests in common which brought us together in the mid-sized group of “Theater People.” I worked tech – she was the star. Then, after she asked me out (yes, that’s right – she asked me out!), we began dating, which eventually led us both – inviting each other – into our Personal space. This space is where most of our dating, engagement and years of marriage have existed. We have learned and are still learning how to bring each other into sharing the deep, relational Intimate space. So, we started in the Public (college), moved to Social (clubs), and by mutual invitation and interest entered the lower stages of Personal (dating) and eventually, Intimate.

So, What?
So, what does all of that have to do with connecting with a church? It means that at Fellowship, we are developing a way to plan and make sure we are providing spaces to help you develop Public and Social relationships – including settings within the Social space that are large-sized, mid-sized and even small (yes… as in small groups). Below this line of responsibility and choice we have ministries and ways of helping people, but they are intentionally set up as “invitation only” – more Personal spaces. In other words, you invite us or we may invite you to consider entering into these spaces.

Connecting at Fellowship
Bottom line is that we really do want you to connect here at Fellowship. We’ve often said that we realize at Fellowship, it’s “hard to connect and easy to leave.” We’re hoping – and praying – that by taking these intentional steps, we’ll be able to turn that phrase around and truly make Fellowship a place where it’s easier to connect and really hard to leave!

Mark Holeman